Available at AMAZON

ISBN-10: 1999751256 ISBN-13: 978-1999751258

Are you frustrated with your mundane existence? Fed up spending day-after-day drinking hot, milky beverages, endlessly pressing ‘refresh’, and chowing down on copious amounts of biscuits and/or cake? Do you yearn for a world (or even a taste) of excitement and wonder? Then you’re in luck! 

With this ‘ere book, you’ll be transported to a fantastic world (well, the majestic city of Salisbury), where a rather pissed-off monster (hellbent on devouring everyone on the planet), has been summoned completely out of the blue. On a Wednesday, of all days, AND it’s sunny outside! Hence, instead of enjoying the uncharacteristically wonderful weather, you find yourself armpit-deep in mild-to-moderate peril. 

Have you pictured that in your brain? Got it? Good. Because the ending is completely up to you. Does humanity stand, or does it fall? Do disasters happen, beyond all mortal comprehension, or do you opt for a more traditional approach? What devilish secrets have I hidden away? Do I have any more tedious and not even terribly inventive questions to ask you? Why yes, yes I do! 

Are you still reading this? If so, then stop right there at the end of this sentence so you can jump in and find out for yourself, as you get to… dictate your fate.

Cor blimey guv’nor! And all that jazz. If that doesn’t tempt you then I don’t know what will.

Blimey! And I started out thinking this was going to be a “quick” review! By the time you read the synopsis, after THAT title, you may well have given up before you get to hear what I thought about this manifestation of lunacy.

Inspired loosely by the Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA) books of my childhood, CYASAWEMWN? has a name almost as elaborate as its monster, QZXPRYCATJ, conjured up during a cursed game of Scrabble. And I say, “loosely” as the CYOA books I remember fondly from childhood (two of which were sent to me after I had collected enough tokens from the back of a number of Weetabix boxes – please allow 28 days for delivery) had a lot less death and spunk in them.

But don’t panic. There is a lot more than just death and spunk in this one.

If the idea of immortal, mystical monks, sentient armchairs, a man with an actual pot for a head, message badgers and spiders that weave flashbacks in their webs and who can scat, then this is the book for you!

And that is just scratching the surface! I haven’t even mentioned dinosaurs, killer robots or suicide bombers.

CYASAWEMWN? is bonkers. There is no way around that. This is not a serious homage to the CYoA of old, this is childish, daft, rude, vulgar, sticky and icky humour across 400 VERY odd pages.

But it is also a lot of fun, and one of the most enjoyable books I have read this year. It’s not going to be for everyone, but if you fancy a childish giggle and some very daft humour, then grab a copy and enjoy.

Oh, and did I mention that it has 10 endings? Nope? Well, it does, so you are going to need a pen and paper and possibly three hands to get throught this unscathed, if you are a completist. (if you stop after the first ending then I think that makes you, very clearly, a psychopath!) There are even some bonus short stories thrown in for good measure – if you can find them!

Good luck!